With another one of WWE’s ‘big four’ pay-per-views on the horizon, it’s time to throw on the fantasy booking hats, reminisce about the Attitude Era and combine football with its long lost brother – professional wrestling.
There are actually parallels between the beautiful game and wild world of sports entertainment. Both draw thousands of fans weekly (when a global pandemic doesn’t interfere), both require athletes who possess immense talent and tireless physicality, and both are absolutely better off with pyrotechnics and over-the-top entrance music.
90min has already decided on finishing moves for some of football’s most famous players and even selected some entrance music, but now it’s time to put it all together. With Survivor Series on the horizon, it’s time for players to put differences aside and form alliances for the greater good of sweet, sweet victory.
And meaningless title belts.
Tag Team Name: The Beans Street Posse
It’s written in the stars, isn’t it?
These two are made for the job. Lingard has already provided Rashford with the nickname ‘beans’ and sorted himself some handy poses which are horrifically uncool – perfect for WWE.
They open the show in a tense tag-team opener against the Street Profits, who are cut from the same cloth in their blend of ability and comic relief.
Tag Team Name: The Nasty Boys
Picture this – team RAW have just won a fun main event, but suddenly the lights go out. These three absolute units are stood in the ring when they come back on – donning original Nasty Boys attire – and suddenly every ankle in the building is broken.
De Rossi literally has a tattoo of him breaking a leg. The most feared stable in all of sports entertainment is here for business, and is everything we wanted RETRIBUTION to be.
Tag Team Name: Chat Sh*t, Get Banged
There’s always room for a heel British tag team in wrestling, and it’s been a while since WWE has had one dominate the scene.
World Cup heroes with egos larger than life, these two are tailor made for main roster WWE and will eventually be over as rover. Jamie Vardy can pull off a mean version of the worm, too, in tribute to the legendary Scotty 2 Hotty.
Tag Team Name: Best for Business
The best thing about wrestling is that it’s actually all a work and inherently silly, meaning things like this are more possible than ever.
Football fans have had to watch the rivalry unfold for years, but what if the two greatest players ever joined forces to take the crown in another industry?
Triple H and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin joined forces in 2001, so why can’t Messi and Ronaldo?
Tag Team Name: Evolution
With one eye on the future, two of football’s generational talents join forces to become the future of sports entertainment and revive one of wrestling’s greatest stables.
It’s the perfect combination of physical attributes. Two young guns, guided by the experience of Kroos and Muller. The German is also pretty funny, too, to provide the humorous, Ric Flair-like edge.
Tag Team Name: Beast Mode
If there were two footballers currently active who could walk into Survivor Series on Sunday and hold their own as champions, it’s Akinfenwa and Ibrahimovic.
They both have the look, the physicality and the charisma to be an immediate fan favourite. Whack the two together and suddenly the tag team division belongs to them – give them all of the belts.
Tag Team Name: Los Futbolistas
Marco Reus was in contention to link up with his former teammate, but too many injuries mean that Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has recruited Raul Jimenez from Wolves to form WWE’s next famous luchador tag team.
Both are partial to a masked celebration, and their ability to maintain composure in front of goal will quickly take them to the top of the tag team ranks.
Plus, they’ll be miles better than the Lucha House Party immediately.
Tag Team Name: The Rock ‘n’ Sock Connection
Completing football’s invasion on the WWE, Billy Sharp and Eric Bailly would pop the (virtual) crowd with a throwback to the gimmick made famous by The Rock and Mick Foley.
Sharp is a huge fan of Foley and has whipped out Mr. Socko in celebration before, so his finisher is sorted. Bailly is quite simply a rock at the back and will use every inch of his body to nullify the opposition.
Passionate displays, comic relief and funky catchphrases, this unlikely pairing would steal the show.